Hi all,well to whoever reads my ramblings:) I am just in a blah kind of mood. You know the moods where you just really don't know what you feel and if somebody ask you how are you feeling,well you just don't really know what to say because you don't know yourself. Ok if your still with me and not reading the past lines again confused at what I just said=) yay for you. I try so hard to be content in life and for the most part I am totally content. I don't sit around and pine on getting married or having a family. I really am at peace where I am with all that stuff in life. I content at where we are living for the most part because I know this where we are supposed to be at the moment. So really I don't really know how I am feeling. I think it's mainly just getting tired of waking up everyday with the OCD and feelings of depression some days. I never know when a major panic OCD could happen and I think I live in fear because of it. Well I don't think it ,I know I live in fear over it. I fear where I am going in life and how the illness sets me back in so many ways. I never know if it will be a good day or bad day,sometimes I feel such despair that I feel the Lord has left me. Even though I know that is not true at all,like my mom tells me sometimes when we are down and low and feel that way and can't even bring the words out in prayer,that is when he is carrying us through. He knows our pain and like the poem says,when you seen only one set of footprints,it was then that I was carrying you. I have not been able to even find the words to pray about the feelings I have,but yes indeed the Lord knows and that is when he is carrying me. So even though I don't really know a word for how I feel,I do know the Lord knows and yes he is carrying me even when I don't feel it and when I can't...he can!!